Memories and Understanding
by avengersgal27
Summary: Pennys fed up with her life, and Sheldon listens to her problems. But then memories and emotions are brought back to Sheldon that he'd locked away a long time ago. My first Fan Fiction! Possibly OOC for Sheldon.
1. Insecurities

Memories and Understanding

I fight my way up the stairs, my temper growing with every step. Damn, work was hard today. I worked 3 shifts straight, I got maybe $3 in tips, and a little girl threw up all over my uniform. I make it into my apartment and go to shower. My plan for the night? Drink like there was no tomorrow, and cry about my problems while eating a crap load of chocolate. Maybe even see if Amy and Bernadette are able to come over. Now showered and comfy in my hello kitty shorts and a tank, I pour my self a glass of wine. Then I hear it, that stupid knock. My temper flares. Putting my wine glass down, I storm over to my door and fling it open. Sheldon stands in the hallway, stunned. I glare at him. "What Sheldon?" I ask. He doesn't answer me, just continues to stare at me oddly. "Sheldon" I growl "You have exactly three seconds to tell me what you want, then I will slam this door in your face." He looks at me for a moment, taking in the waves of anger that are rolling off me. "Are you in distress?" He asks me, turning his head sideways. "Dammit, yes Sheldon, I'm in distress." I yell. I really need to go find that glass of wine. I turn and storm into my apartment. Sheldon follows me. He wrinkles his nose at the clothes and garbage that are scattered everywhere. He doesn't say anything though, which is odd. I sink down onto my couch, wine in hand. Sheldon sits in his spot. And just _looks_ at me. And suddenly I see all of this sadness and concern and compassion in his eyes, and I begin to cry. Sheldon's face twitches, and he begins to look panicked. I expect to have Sheldon run and bolt, or try and comfort me like he did at the hospital. But instead, he moves closer to me. He takes a bottle of hand sanitizer out of his pocket. He cleans his hands, and then offers me the bottle. I, in shock, take the bottle and thoroughly douse my hands. He takes the bottle back, and grips my hand tightly. I cry even harder. But he waits; waits for me to tell him what is wrong. "I just…" I sob "I just don't understand why life has to suck so much. I try so hard to be happy, and smiley, and be the pretty little Penny everyone loves. But no one notices. No one notices this feeling of wanting to be seen as more than the little _nobody_ from Nebraska who will _never_ amount to anything and will _never_ fit in. Its not like anyone even cares, or understands what I feel _every_ _day." _ He looks at me, and speaks. " _I_ understand Penny." With that, he stands and leaves.

TBBT

Memories come flooding back as I stumble into my room. The beatings, the hurt, the feeling of just wanting to fit in. I was ridiculed for a plethora of things. My intellect, my personality, the way I dressed. I was " Strange Shelly". I was the kid no one really knew but everyone hated. I was the freak, the brainiac, the teacher's pet. And I still tried to impress those people. I still tried to fit in with the people who hated me. I didn't realize that I was not wanted. Then one day, I did. It was in 4th grade. I was being held down during recess, and being spit at and stepped on. And this one boy leaned over me and whispered in my ear. " You are a stupid, insolent, nobody. You're not wanted here, and you never will be." It finally dawned on me. "I'm… not… wanted?" I repeated the words slowly, as a question. The boy sneered at me, nodding, and let me up. I stumbled away from the hoard of people who had gathered, and slowly and numbly made my way home. A 9-year-old Missy greeted me. She was home sick that day, and mom was out at the market. Dad was working on some project or the other. "Missy…" I said numbly. She looked at me, eyes wide. "Shelly" she breathed, leading me to her room, where I sat on her bed. "I'm not wanted." I said simply. Missy stared at me, wide eyed. "What? Sheldon, of course you're wanted!" she exclaimed. But, I knew it was not so. I began to cry. Missy pulled me into a tight hug, cradling me to her chest. "Shhh…" She soothed. "Its all right Shelly. We all love you and want you. You know that! Me, Dad, Mom, Meemaw, and even George." I didn't believe her, not even for a second. I broke away from her hug, still sobbing. "I want Meemaw!" I said suddenly. Missy nodded, and led me out the door. We hurried to my Meemaws house, which was just around to corner. Meemaw, the one person who I _knew_ wanted me.

TBBT

I break away from the memory. Then I wipe my eyes, as I am crying. The pain of that day is still fresh, because that feeling of neglect had never really gone away. I breathe and try to become numb. It is not working, and I continue to cry, the pain filling me. Then I hear three knocks on my door "Sheldon?" I hear a soft voice call. I am to tired and upset to respond. The door opens, and I see Penny standing in the hallway. I sob. She stands there watching me for all of three seconds, and then hurries to my side, crawling in bed with me. I am not even worried that she is in my room, my bed, my sanctuary. Nor do I worry that she is dirty. I just let her hold me, as I sob all my fears and insecurities into her chest. Penny, the one person who I _know_ wants me.


	2. Code Milky Green

Memories and Understanding Chapter 2

As I hold Sheldon, I am suddenly swamped with compassion for the man. Sheldon, the one who gets a bacon cheeseburger every Tuesday and does his laundry on Saturday night at 8:15. Sheldon, the genius, the Homo Novis, the robot. And yet, here he is, sobbing words into my chest. Worthless, unwanted, unloved. His face contorts with pain as he sobs. He's holding onto me for dear life, as if I am his anchor in this world. I know better than to try to talk to him when he's like this. For now I lay back in his bed, slowly rubbing his back and humming Soft Kitty. I notice out of the corner of my eye that its 7:30 pm.

TBBT

"No!" I screamed. "You're lying! You don't mean it!" I shouted at my brother George, pain and anger welling up within me. "Oh, but Penny, I really do mean it." I gasped, and tears began to stream down my face. His eyes were cold, callous. He didn't care what his words did to me. "Yeah, Penny…" he smirks " You will always be that _little _cornhusker from Nebraska that no one cares about. You know its true; you confirm it in the mirror everyday, right? Who could ever love and understand someone as _ugly_ and _pathetic_ as you?" I stared up at him blankly from where I sat in our kitchen at home. " I… I don't know…" I murmured quietly. I stood, and quickly walked from the room.

TBTT

I wake with a start, gasping for breath. It takes a moment for me to register where I am. Sheldon's room. In Sheldon's bed, with Sheldon's head in my lap and my arms wrapped around him. His face is streaked with tears and is red and raw, but his face is peaceful as he sleeps. Oh Sheldon… my poor little man-child. I run my fingers through his hair. He continues to sleep. I think for a moment about what to do. Should I go? I feel like I'm about to burst into tears, the pain from that horrid day rushing back in a torrent. Sheldon doesn't need my _pain_. But he needs _me_. If I leave and he wakes up, I don't want to even think of his reaction to his grief and neglect. Besides, I need him too. Its nice, being like this with Sheldon. He's usually so uptight, so rigid, so unresponsive to love. But then there are times like these, when I get to see a bit of the other side of Sheldon. The sad little boy who got taken to college at 11 and still craves a childhood. The man who hurts and just wants someone to hold him and tell him it's all going to be ok. I glance at the clock. Its 10:40 pm. I snuggle closer to Sheldon and drift back to sleep, feeling safe from my inner demons and insecurities, knowing he's here.

TBBT

I wake up slowly. Still in Sheldon's bed, I notice as I begin to fully wake up. I glance at Sheldon's batman clock. Its 1:30 in the morning. I smile as I remember the time Sheldon called me from the train. The first time I was in his room… it was a one-time occurrence, he had said. Well, looks like he was wrong! Speaking of Dr. Wackadoodle, he's still asleep in my lap. I shift slightly, jostling his head. Usually Sheldon would be up, shouting "Danger, Danger!" But he continues to sleep on. I lean back and gently rest my hand on his forehead. Jerking my hand back, I gasp. He's burning up! "Sheldon!" I whisper fiercely, shaking him. My voice softens "Sheldon, honey, wake up!" His eyes open for a moment then drift closed again. "Mommy?" He mumbles. I sigh, thinking. There's no way I can get him up. Gently, I ease myself out from under Sheldon's head, which I rest on a pillow. I pad out into the hallway. I knock on Leonard's door, (In threes, of course) figuring I should warn him about Sheldon. "Sheldon!" He calls "Go away!" I wait for a moment. "Its Penny…" I can hear him rushing to get up. The door fly's open. " Hey Penny!" He says cheerily. His hair is ruffled, and his glasses are practically falling off his face. 'Umm… Sheldon's sick, just so that you know…" I murmur quietly. His eyes widen. He hurries back into his room, pulling out his phone. " Hey Raj, we've got an problem. Code Milky Green! Mind if I come over for the day?" There's murmuring coming from the phone. "Alright, see you in a few." More murmuring. Leonard snaps his phone shut, and begins to pack a bag. I want to scream at him, but I know he'll leave no matter what I say. He brushes past me, offering a nervous smile, and practically sprints out of the apartment. I shake my head and go to find some meds to help Sheldon, and the thermometer.


	3. Cinnamon Toast

Memories and Understanding Chapter 3

I walk back into Sheldon's room. I set the medicine and the thermometer down on Sheldon's bedside table, and also a plate of cinnamon toast and some orange juice. I sit on Sheldon's bed, where he is still sleeping soundly. "Sheldon…" I call and I tap his shoulder three times. His eyelids flutter. "Sheldon…" I say in singsong voice. Three more taps. "Sheldon" I say again. Three taps. His eyes open, and he looks at me, confused. " Penny?' He asks slowly. "Hey sweetie, can you sit up for me?" He does what I ask, all the while rambling about me being in his room, and germs and such. I notice he's shivering. I grab the thermometer from the table. "Open." I command. Sheldon glares at me as I place the thermometer in his mouth. I turn and grab two pills and the glass of orange juice from the table. The thermometer beeps, and I pull it out of his mouth. 103 degrees. I hand him the pills and orange juice, and go to the bathroom to get a rag and some cold water. I come back into the room and see Sheldon sitting cross-legged on his bed and nibbling on the toast. He smiles at me as I walk in. And it's a full-blown smile, not his creepy smile. And in his eyes I see so much knowledge and emotions, and I know he's trying to say something. Oh Moonpie, if only you knew how much I love you…

TBBT

I don't remember dreaming. I just slept. I don't remember what time I went to sleep. All I remember was crying my heart out and falling asleep in Penny's lap, as she hummed Soft Kitty sadly. I hated to see her sad, but I was so glad she was here. When Penny woke me a few hours later, I felt like a truck had hit me in the chest. And I was cold, so cold. Penny commanded me to sit up. I couldn't help myself, I yelled at her about germs and such. But not for long. I was just too cold and tired to bother nagging her. I let her put the thermometer in my mouth, all the while trying not to snap at her and take the thermometer. She turned and grabbed something for the table. The thermometer beeped and she pulled it out of my mouth, her forehead creasing in worry as she read the number. She handed me some pills and orange juice and turned, walking towards the bathroom. I took the pills, and tried not to wince as I swallowed, my throat ringing with pain. I eye the cinnamon toast on the table. Surprisingly, that's just what I want to eat. I grab the plate excitedly. If you ask me, Penny makes the best cinnamon toast. Ever. Leonard always burns his, and no restaurant can make it better. I nibble on it slowly, and Penny comes back into the room, holding a bowl of water and a rag. I smile at her. My way of saying thanks for last night, and this, and I just want you to know that I really appreciate what you do and I don't think you're dumb, or fat. And I think I love you. But I smile, knowing that it'll just have to do because I know that I can never say those words.


	4. Sucker

Memories and Understanding Chapter 4

When Penny knocked on my door at 1:30 in the morning, I was mad. I thought she was Sheldon, coming to tell me some problem or the other, and I just didn't care. Her knock certainly mimics his. "Sheldon… Go away!" I had groaned. When I heard her soft reply of "Its Penny" I practically leapt out of bed and hastily shoved my glasses on my face, sprinting to the door. "Hey Penny!" I had said happily. Was this a booty call? I had wondered that. But then I got some news. I was told Sheldon was sick. I panicked, calling Raj. I swear, my heart skipped a beat. I had to get out of here now, before Penny could stick me with Sheldon. Fear and terror of a deranged Sheldon filled me and I quickly packed a bag with clothes and my inhaler and some games. I slipped past Penny and gave her a smile. She gave me a death stare. I knew she wanted to kill me, but its Penny. She would never. "Sucker…" I murmured as I sprinted out the door of the apartment.


	5. Not so stupid after all, huh?

Memories and Understanding Chapter 5

"Alright Moonpie, lets get this show on the road!" I say cheerily as I place the bowl of water on his bed. He looks at me, horror evident on his face. "Oh man up…" I mumble with a smile. Sheldon just glares at me. "You know Penny-" he starts. "Yep, I know. Germs!" I pretend to look scared. " Don't worry, I washed my hands and arms." He seems satisfied with that. "That's my Dr. Wackadoodle!" I smile as I put the damp cloth on his forehead. He just ignores me. "Stay. Here. Do not move unless you absolutely have to. Yell if you need anything." I tell him. I'm planning to chill on the boys couch and watch Doctor Who all day. I turn to go. "Penny!" Sheldon yells. I scream. "Sheldon! What the Hell?" He looks at me blankly. "You stated I should yell if I need anything. I am in need of something." I burst out laughing, collapsing onto Sheldon's bed. Tears stream down my face, and Sheldon begins to panic. He must think I'm going insane! And that thought just makes me laugh harder. Finally I'm done, and I wipe the tears from my face, smiling. "Oh Moonpie, thank you for that. I haven't laughed that hard since Mary Lou fell in the pig pen back home." I smile at the memory. Sheldon just stares at me. "But… happy... tears…" he mumbles. "Oh sweetie." I say "That's what happens when you laugh for a long time. You cry!" He just seems more confused. "But…why?" he asks me. "Oh I know this one!" I say excitedly, raising my hand high in the air. He raises his eyebrows at me expectantly. "Crying is an emotional release that follows a heightened state: pain, sadness and even extreme mirth. It's just the way we've evolved; it's our body's form of catharsis." I say. Sheldon looks at me, amazed. " Yeah, Moonpie, I'm not so stupid after all, huh!" I tease him. He looks at me sadly now. "Penny…" He starts, his eyes filling with… regret? Guilt? And… tears? I panic. What did I say? What did I do? What did I make him remember? I'm lost. I reach out to Sheldon. He pulls away. " I'm sorry. _So_ sorry." Tears spill down his cheeks. " I never meant for it to sound that way! I'm so sorry!" He sobs and pulls into himself. Oh… oh Sheldon. My poor, poor Moonpie.

TBBT

I just can't seem to get away from this pain. I tried to stop crying so I could sleep, get away from the pain. I did, eventually. I feel bad for falling apart like that _again_ in front of Penny, but I knew she would be there for me.


	6. Meemaw, Doctor Who, and Soft Kitty

Memories and Understanding Chapter 6

After Sheldon calms we just sit, and I'm holding him tight. I would prefer to have stayed holding Sheldon, but he was getting hot again. So I go and get him a cold glass of water and check his temperature. 102 degrees. He's only gone down by a degree. I'm worried. Really, really worried. What happens if it starts going up again? I decide he needs to sleep. "Hey, Moonpie! You have to sleep now." He looks at me with his sour face on. "I don't want to!" He whines. I just smile and tuck him in. Before he even asks I'm sitting beside his bed, singing Soft Kitty. I can tell he's trying to fight sleep. But sleep isn't letting Sheldon win. He drifts off before I even finish. I smile at his sleeping face, and kiss his forehead. Then I get up to go sit in the living room. I'm not tired yet.

TBBT

Meemaw kisses my forehead. I giggle and hug her tight. I love my Meemaw. She's the best person in the whole wide world! She smells like cookies and flowers. She calls me Moonpie. But it's ok, I like the name. But I wont ever tell anyone that! She's the only one I let touch me without stiffening. My brother and sister will beat me up if I let them touch me, dad _doesn't_ touch me, and mom might start dousing me with holy water and screaming about the devil. So, Meemaw has become the only person who can touch me. I love when I come to stay with Meemaw. She makes me cookies and hugs me and listens to my newest theories. She understands me. She doesn't tell me I have the devil in me, or to shut up. She smiles, crouches down to my height and say's "Moonpie, you're going to do great things in life, and don't you ever let anyone tell you different." I notice that Meemaws eyes are pretty. They're a pretty hazel, with flecks of golden brown amongst a sea of green. Meemaw has a bit of blonde hair, but most of it is grey now. Her hair is wavy. I hold her hand. Its soft. Like a kitty. Just like a soft kitty…

TBBT

When I walk back into Sheldon room after a couple of Doctor Who episodes, he's smiling in his sleep, his right hand curling on the blanket fondly. I just smile and leave him to sleep. He seems so happy… I wonder what he's dreaming about!

TBBT

When I wake from my dream of Meemaw, I'm grinning like a fool and stroking the bed sheet with my right hand. Oh, how I miss my Meemaw. I haven't seen her in a few years. We've written though. I have everyone of her letter's to me in my bedside drawer. I should call her soon. I get up from bed, feeling much better than I did before my 'nap'. Instead of feeling like a truck hit me in the chest, it now feels more like a Tato Nano hit me in the chest. That's good, I guess. I make my way into the kitchen for some water, and what do I see? Penny on the couch, in her spot, completely enthralled in an episode of Doctor Who. I can't help but stare at her. She's watching what is possibly my most favorite show of all time. And she's _enjoying_ it! I just shake my head in wonder and turn to get some water. "Sheldon!" Penny exclaims happily when she finally sees me standing in the kitchen. She's coming towards me, thermometer in hand. I let her take my temperature, even though I _hate _the stupid thermometer. She looks at the thermometer with a smile. "99 degrees!" She says happily. I smile and grab my water, and then I curl up in my spot. Penny comes and sits next to me, and starts to play Doctor Who again. She rests her head in my lap. I don't object, strangely. I don't even know why I don't. Eventually Penny falls asleep. Just as I'm about to drift off too, I hear Penny murmur " Moonpie? Soft Kitty!" I smile and kiss her forehead. Humming Soft Kitty, I turn off the T.V. Then I pick up Penny, bridal style, and carry her into my room, where I lay her gently on my bed. Should I get in with her? I start to think I shouldn't. Then she begins to sing Soft Kitty in her sleep, and my heart melts. I slowly crawl into bed with her, carful not to wake her. As I finish getting in Penny wraps her arms around me. I don't panic. It is Penny after all. Just…Penny. She nuzzles into my chest. "Moonpie..." she sighs. I check, still asleep. " Love you! Purr, purr, purr…" I smile "Love you too Penny…" I say. With that, I fall into a dream with soft kitties, golden blonde hair, and hazel eyes.


	7. Perfect

Memories and Understanding Chapter 7

When I wake up I'm cuddled against Sheldon. I feel like there are thousand pound weights on my eyes and my arms and legs. And I'm cold, so cold. I'm shivering really hard. I close my eyes tight and snuggle closer to Sheldon, trying to get warm. Im so tired and drained. I fall asleep quickly, still shivering.

TBBT

When I wake up I feel much better. But I can't say the same for Penny. She's shaking like a leaf, her teeth chattering. She's thrashing about on the bed, crying out, tears running down her face. I grab her by the shoulders and try to shake her awake. She punches me in the face. It wasn't hard, but I smile as I remember the incident with the ring. Good old Penny… So I wrap my arms around her in a bear hug, restraining her arms and stopping her thrashing. Her eyes open and they seem lost and confused. She buries her head in my chest and sobs. I stiffen for a moment. But Ive dealt with Penny enough times to know how to act, so I rub her back comfortingly and whisper soothing words to her. She gradually calms down, and begins to shiver again. I stand. "Penny, you get under the covers, I'm going to go get you some medicine, ok?" She nods and does as I ask. I hurry into the kitchen and grab a glass of water, a couple Motrin's, and the thermometer. I feel so bad. I got Penny sick. I didn't even consider that while she was taking care of me she might contract my disease. I practically run back into my room with the stuff. Penny is awake and staring at the ceiling, shaking. She sits up slowly and I take her temperature. 103 degrees. I tell her this and she smiles. "Lowest I've ever had." My eyes widen in shock. She laugh's "Moonpie, you get sick _a lot_ in Nebraska." I just shake my head. I can't even imagine having a fever higher than 102 degrees. I hand her the pills and the water. She winces as she swallows. I ask her if she wants anything to eat, but figure she wont. She just shakes her head and slides back under the covers. I crawl in besides her and wrap my arms around her, trying to keep her warm. She turns towards my chest and snuggles close to me, murmuring incoherently. I rest my cheek on top of her head and bask in how nice this feels, how right it feels. Her snuggled against me, my cheek resting on top of her head. Our bodies pressed close as we hold one another. It feels like we were made to fit together. It feels perfect.


	8. Ok with that

Memories and Understanding Chapter 8

Penny's POV

I snuggle closer to Sheldon and immediately feel better. His hold on me is strong, and it feels like… I feel safe. Here, with him. I know that my insecurities wont reach me. I know I can cry and he'll be there to make it better. I know I can be sick and he'll sing me Soft Kitty and make me soup. I know I love him. That's right, you heard me! I love Sheldon Cooper! I don't know when it happened, or why. But it did. And you know what? I'm ok with that.

TBBT

Sheldon's POV

Penny snuggles closer to me and I hope she feels better. I do. Her grip on me is strong, and it feels… it feels safe. I feel safe here, with her. I know my insecurities wont reach me. I know I can cry and she'll be there to comfort me. I know I can be sick and she'll sing Soft Kitty and make me cinnamon toast. I know I love her. That's right! I love Penny! I don't know when it happened, or why. And being someone who is close to unlocking the secrets of the universe, this should bother me. Not knowing. But it doesn't. And you know what? I'm ok with that.


End file.
